Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Negotiating can be daunting but, done right, can lead to valuable outcomes. In this article, we will consider techniques that help you negotiate more effectively while maintaining relationships. We will look at preparation, having the right mindset, and figuring out what matters most at the negotiation table.

Many of us approach negotiation with trepidation, associating it with conflict, rejection, or distasteful haggling. Yet, negotiating is a fundamental aspect of human interaction. At some point, you will find yourself having to negotiate at your workplace, in personal relationships, or even during casual interactions.

Many of us approach negotiation with trepidation, associating it with conflict, rejection, or distasteful haggling. Yet, negotiating is a fundamental aspect of human interaction. At some point, you will find yourself having to negotiate at your workplace, in personal relationships, or even during casual interactions.

While most of us will not be involved in high-stakes negotiations for the release of hostages or to avert a war, those same skills are nonetheless very useful in everyday life. You might want to ask for a salary increase or close a deal, you may be trying to sell your house or sort out household duties with your spouse.

Honing your negotiation skills can lead to better outcomes and greater satisfaction for all parties involved. So let’s level up by taking a look at some negotiation strategies and insights.

Build rapport

It may not always be possible due to tight timelines, but try to begin with small talk in order to build a connection with the other party. In fact, even before negotiations begin, do your research to find out more about the other party. Find out what motivates them, engages them, and how they prefer to solve problems. Find out what their underlying fears and concerns are. If you can, find out what their BATNA is (more about this later). Approach with respect and empathy, and seek to understand their point of view. The goal is to create a cooperative, collaborative atmosphere rather than an adversarial one.

Separate the people from the problem

Remember that the other party is also a person with his or her own motives, desires, values, and feelings. Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and understanding their perceptions. In heated discussions, it is all too easy to misunderstand intentions (“Why do you always assign that task to me? No one else gets picked for it.” “You said you wanted to challenge yourself with tougher tasks and responsibilities!”) Your reality, as real as it is for you, is not the same reality perceived by the other person.

Rein in the tendency to attack or blame the other person. Blaming others is the easy way out; it absolves us from our responsibility or contribution to the problem and helps us preserve our pride or position. However, if your goal is to resolve an issue, blame will quickly take you in the opposite direction. It will make the other party feel threatened and resentful, and build even higher walls between the both of you.

Seek win-win solutions

Realise that there is more than one answer. When parties quarrel to achieve their desired outcome, their minds are closed to the idea of win-win situations. Approach the negotiation as a problem-solving exercise rather than a winner-takes-all battle. It may feel counterintuitive but try to consider the problems faced by the other party and help them to find solutions too. Put different options on the table. Brainstorm to arrive at different ideas. Seek the perspectives of different experts and professionals. 

Additionally, do not use threats or warnings. Rather, make offers. We tend to threaten the other party with negative consequences if they do not accede to our terms; however, offers are more effective and better for maintaining the relationship. The aim is to have both parties leave the negotiating table feeling that they have gained rather than lost.

Use active listening 

To actively listen is to genuinely, intentionally listen to someone with the aim of true understanding. It is a skill that allows you to build connections with others, gain knowledge, broaden understanding, anticipate problems and even aid in resolving conflict, all of which are useful in negotiations. Active listening also helps you understand what’s unsaid by observing body language, tone of voice and unspoken cues. 

One of the most important steps in active listening is to give your full and undivided attention to the other party. Don’t interrupt, prejudge or give your opinion until it is your turn to speak. Listen with an open mind and resist the urge to formulate counterarguments or criticisms. Learn more about active listening through our article.

Know your BATNA

There are hard realities in life and business that you cannot change or bargain through. If you want a luxury yacht but your budget is 100 dollars, no amount of skilled negotiation will get you said yacht. So before entering any negotiation, you have to prepare your BATNA, or Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.

A BATNA is a Plan B should the negotiation not go your way or if there is a power imbalance between the two parties. A well-thought-out BATNA will help you protect yourself against agreeing to something that is overly unfavourable to you or something that you will later regret. It allows you to clarify the point at which you walk away if you cannot achieve a minimally acceptable agreement.

The second objective of a BATNA is to help you make the most of your advantages and assets so that you can negotiate for an optimum outcome. Think through how to convert your strengths, resources and ideas into promising options at the negotiating table. Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses, and at what point you are willing to walk away, will give you more confidence in the negotiating process. 

Use negotiation jujitsu

When the other party refuses to adopt an amicable, win-win stance and uses aggressive “my way or the highway” tactics, what can you do? Try negotiation jujitsu, according to Roger Fisher and William Ury, who are lecturers and heads of the Harvard Negotiation Project, and authors of the book, Getting to Yes.

When the other party attacks and criticises, you will be tempted to defend and counterattack. The cycle repeats, tempers fray, civility leaves the room and the negotiation falls apart. With negotiation jujitsu, you do not push back or counterattack. Instead, you sidestep the attack and deflect. For example, rather than defending your ideas or position, turn things around by asking the other party for criticism or even advice. Ask what they would do in your situation. Another technique is to ask questions instead of making statements. Questions can lead the other party to realise or face a problem. Thirdly, know when to be silent. If the other party attacks or gives an unreasonable suggestion, don’t say anything. People tend to get uncomfortable with silence and will feel compelled to fill it. They may try to justify their position or give a more plausible offer.

Start sharpening your negotiation skills

Like any skill, your ability to negotiate will get better with continuous learning and practice. In most situations, effective negotiation is not just about winning at all costs; it’s about finding solutions that satisfy all parties and preserving relationships that matter.

To this end, coaching can help by showing you how to resolve difficult situations and improve communication. As psychologists and coaches, we can help you understand yourself better and optimise your performance. Get in touch with us today.